Anxiety & Derealization Cure – My Story
After my horryfing experience with derealization and anxiety, I decided to share my story based on what I have learned as a sufferer. I will share my experience in great detail and provide the solutions that made me one hundred percent well again. This journal contains only my own opinions on the subject. I would also like to say that if you are suffering from derealization and anxiety, I feel for you, one thousand percent. I really do hope that I can improve your condition by sharing my story.
What is derealization?
The answer to this question is indeed a short one. It’s a dissociative symptom. Derealization is inherent to anxiety. You can not experience the symptoms of derealization if you do not suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder. Don’t treat derealization as a separate disorder, treat it as a symptom that originates from your underlying anxiety. This may seem stupid to some, but I treated my condition as an anxiety disorder, and every symptom disappeared over a time span of 4 months. This also applies to depersonalization, even though I did not suffer very strongly from that particular symptom. You do not necessarily have to feel anxious to experience the symptoms of derealization. Anxiety may lay dormant in the background, but the fear of derealization itself will bring the anxiety to life, causing more derealization. It becomes a vicious cycle.
Even if you don’t feel any particular anxiety at the moment, the DP/DR may still be present because of two factors:
- DP/DR needs time to “clear up”. It doesn’t disappear momentarely with the anxiety.
- You may feel relatively calm, but not calm enough to letting go of DP/DR.
Derealization causes:
In my case, the condition was triggered by several factors:
1. Stress
2. Trauma
3. Anxiety
4. Depression
I firmly believe that these are the key ingredients that causes dissociative symptoms. There are also rare cases of chronic symptoms of disassociation caused by epilepsy, migraine and mild head injury.
Symptoms of derealization and anxiety
The myriad of symptoms that comes from derealization and anxiety disorder are extremely subjective. Therefore, I will only list the symptoms I experienced.
- Pressure in forehead and nose bridge
This symptom was very irritating and anxiety provoking. Sometimes it felt like my forehead was going to burst open. It did not hurt like a headache does, but provided a persistent pressure sensation inside my forehead.
- Feelings of unreality
This is the “trademark” symptom of derealization and it was the symptom I feared the most. Sometimes it would feel like I was walking around in a dream. It hit me very hard when I was outside.
- Impaired memory
This symptom made me question my own sanity. My short term memory was non-existent and it made me very worried.
- Fear of madness
When I was at my worst, I seriously considered applying myself to a mental institution. It felt like madness, and I struggled to not show it externally.
- Insomnia
This was the first symptom I got, and it persisted for a great length of time.
- Dry eyes
A common symptom of anxiety, solved with eye drops.
- Anorexia
Because all that was on my mind was “What the hell is happening to me?”, I did not feel hungry or tired. I lost 13 lbs in my first 3 weeks.
- Panic attacks
The bad boy of anxiety. Fortunately I got hit by panic attacks very rarely. But I would very often be on the edge of one.
- Visual disturbances
Shadows and objects in my peripheral vision would move, and I developed floaters in my right eye.
- Hypochondria
In the early stages of my condition I was a raging hypochondriac, which does not fit my personality at all. I visited my GP 6 times during my first month. I really don’t wanna know how many times I visited Dr.Google. My self diagnosis would range from brain damage, Parkinson disease to psychosis.
- Strange dreams
This still gives me chills. The dreams I would have felt more real than when I was awake, and they were extremely bizarre and grotesque. I believe this was a side effect from the antidepressant I was on.
- Rapid/heavy heartbeat
This symptom appeared after about two months, and did not accompany a panic attack. The rapid heartbeat would occur at random and would last from 20 minutes to several hours. I measured it to be 140 beats per minute on some occasions.
You can read more about the symptoms here
My journey
First, I would like to tell you a little about myself. I am a young man in the beginning of my twenties. As long as I can remember I have suffered from mild social anxiety, but I take that as a part of my personality. I live in a small, quiet town in Sweden, where I used to work as a telemarketer. During the month before my condition bursted into flames, I started suffering from mild anxiety. My job performance was bad, I was heavily into drugs and depression was setting in.
June 2009
I lost my job, which really did not seem to affect me. I had more than enough money to live a while without any income. I had recently dabbled with psychedelic drugs, and was pretty high-strung after one particular drug experience. This is when I started to feel a bit uncomfortable, but nothing too worrying.
The journey truly began in the mid of June, on a Friday night, I experienced a huge panic attack while I was amongst my friends. I got extremely agitated but remained calm externally. I had experienced this kind of panic before so I just rode with it. The panic attack subsided and I went to bed. Two days later I struggled falling asleep. I was suddenly suffering from insomnia for the first time in my life, and it made me panic yet again. I felt very “out of it” and decided to sleep at home with my parents. I was awake for 30 hours. I finally fell asleep, but I woke up 3 hours later feeling exhausted and anxious at the same time. It was truly horrible, and this is when the unreal feeling started setting in. I would sit in a chair and stare into the wall all day. I could not eat, I could not watch television, I basically could not do anything else than worry about what was happening to me.
This is when I started consulting Dr.Google (for some odd reason, that was the only thing that made me concentrate). So, I plotted my symptoms in the search engine and came to the conclusion that I somehow had managed to damage my brain because of my recent drug abuse. That thought made me even worse, but I could not stop self diagnosing my self. The following week I hardly slept at all, but I visited my local GP and told him what was happening to me. He said I was suffering from anxiety. Somehow I did not believe him at all! “This was not anxiety, I have experienced anxiety before, and this is something else”, I thought. My GP gave me a prescription for Paxil, an anti-depressant and some sleeping medication. I still felt out of it, and all the symptoms I listed above started appearing one by one. After two weeks I finally started getting some sleep (4-5 hours per night) with the aid of the sleeping medication. In my second week, I also started realizing that this was going to get worse before it got better. I would still sit and self diagnose 90 percent of the day.
July 2009
Things started looking more grim. I really thought that this was going to be permanent, and I felt like I was in hell. The Paxil made me even worse, the side effects were unbearable. When I tried to stop taking Paxil I went into withdrawal symptoms which also was unbearable. I felt trapped, and wanted a way out. I got my mom to buy some fish oil and vitamins. I started taking them and over the course of a few weeks I didn’t really notice anything different.
I got in touch with an acupuncturist and I began taking a session there each week. I still remember sitting there in the lobby feeling so dreamy and that my mind could snap at any moment. It wasn’t until the end of July I started noticing improvement and hit my turning point. Especially after an acupuncture session i would feel like myself for a short time, and that really got my hopes up. I started diverting my mind by playing computer games which also helped tremendously. Occupying your mind is crucial if you want to see improvement. Basically, things went uphill from then. I also started taking magnesium pills and it really made me feel better. I was nowhere near normality, but this was a start. I also started accepting the fact that I was suffering from anxiety and anxiety alone. By the end of July I actually went on a four day family trip, even though I still felt dreamy and rather disorientated.
August 2009
This is when I managed to quit the sleeping pills and the antidepressant. The antidepressant was hard to quit, but I managed it. I suffered one and a half week of withdrawal symptoms. I would still divert my mind doing things on my computer, and I believe I suffered one panic attack in the start of August, but I kept my hopes up. The unreal feeling would go away as long as I kept my mind occupied. I also started with a supplement that i felt helped me tremendously called L-Theanine. I felt more and more sane for each day that was passing from now on.
September 2009
Now I started doing regular stuff again, like driving a car, visiting friends etc. I would feel strange and unreal on rare occasions as opposed to feeling normal on rare occasions. I still went to the acupuncturist and I enjoyed every session there. It is now November 2009 and I’m no longer suffering from any of the symptoms I mentioned above. There is a saying that that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I totally agree with that.
Things that didn’t help me
Dr.Google and health forums
Antidepressants
Ruminating around your condition
Drugs
Waiting passively for the condition to end
Things that helped me
Diverting your mind (very, very important)
Realization of your condition (anxiety and nothing else)
Acupuncture
Doing things you did before you got “ill”
Eating healthy
Sleeping medication (the first two weeks)
Charles Linden (check out my review)
Time
There is hope!
I’m living proof that anxiety and all of the symptoms that come with that package are 100% curable without the need of doctors, psychologists or prescribed medication.
Good luck, and take care.
P.S. If you would like to share your story, please register and do so at our newly created forum
Great article. This really gives me hope. It sounds a bit like me, except that mine came out of no where one night. I have never did drugs and did not have any significant trauma, but it has been about 2-3 weeks and the first couple days were the first feelings of the “dreamyness”…it was non stop. Now I will start to think about, but do something else to get my mind off it and have been feeling better and better each day. I do hope I am 100% back to normal soon like you are. Again, thanks for publishing this story!
I’ve been suffering from derealization going on six years. This year has been really bad for me. I have not told anyone about this, but tihnk I might. Reading your story is giving me some much needed faith,thanks!
Hey I’ve been suffering from all over the above symptoms for 15 months now, it all started with a panic attack out of the blue, I was always a little nervous in crowds but that’s about it, derealization, headpressure, weird vision! , have all been constantly and persistently there since that random panic attack, I hav’int told anybody yet or seeked help, as I believe I will overcome it, this really helps me your article I mean, thanks, it gives me hope.
I hope one day I will be back to my cheerful self.
Thank you. I’m going through exactly the same thing the pressure in the forehead and nose at times and the constant feeling of day dreaming/out of it. The part you said about your dreams feeling more real than when you’re awake is exactly how I feel, but I don’t take medication. I keep thinking I have a brain tumor or other such problems even though I recently got a catscan so I know I’m okay. I recently started using magnesium..Like you this started happening after I quit my job, but I have enough money to not worry…I’ll check out some of your advice..Things I find useful are meditation, diaphragmatic breathing, long bike rides, and comedy(late night shows for some reason)…but thanks for the hope that this unreal feeling will go away.
I’m a sufferer going on 3 months very scary at the start but the more i realise this is a small problem the better I feel let’s beat this horrable small problem head on and get all the stress of our minds.
I love Reading stories of recovery . I have suffered anxiety from been about 10 yearsold when my parents divorced . This carried on into my teens when I saw my dad and my stepdad die . I was in Ibiza when I was 20 and derealisation hit me , I dealt with it for 3 years as it made me feel somewhat relaxed but then I had a panic attack aged 24 and I then became depersonaised , I felt like the DR was a worse symtom and I had actually been hiding from a mental disoder . I now have a little boy and am getting married and when I believed it was an anxiety disoder I started to get better but the doubt still creeps in that I might go mad , and I don’t want that , I need to stay alive for my son and my partner , and I love life but these doubts are grippling . I’m supposed to be flying to Cuba for my honeymoon and the thought sends me into panic
This article is exactly what I needed to read. I’ve been battling this for at least 25 years and I’m only 37. Yes, I am correct on the amount of years.
However, by reading this, and dozens of other articles, I think I am able to piece together a plan which will work for me to try to help me feel like I can function normally again.
I thank all theses wonderful, brave people for sharing their experiences with the public. I personally was on Paxil CR for….I don’t know, maybe 12 years or so. It has taken 2 months and I’m still on 12.5mg every other day but the withdrawal symptoms (syndrome) is an awful nightmare which I hope will end in the next couple weeks.
I feel the need to conquer this “horror” medication because I don’t IT to run my life; or should I say “ruin” my life.
Thank you for sharing your stories.
I find it worse reading peoples stories, as some things I have never heard of before, let alone experienced and that is even more frightening. I think all these conditions are linked to anxiety and how we deal with it and I would suggest looking at panicaway site for there is lots of free info there and a very positive attitude by Joe the person who set it up and who used to suffer panic attacks. I wouldn’t suggest reading all the experiences as that might be counter productive. All these conditions are well knows to doctors so if you experience them it is important to start talking about them to someone, rather than thinking we can deal with it alone. Obviously we can’t or we wouldn’t have these problems in the first place. The MIND organisation in the UK is a useful resource as are the NHS online Cognitive behaviour therapy courses, this involves some work but not having to go and see anyone. In some areas it is free if your doctor recommends you. There is lots of info in general on the NHS site anyway. I am uncertain about things like video games and TV as that way you are certainly not living in a real world and I find them addictive so although they make dealing with any symptoms easier it is not living as such. I have just deleted my couple of games and taken to more fun walks and uphill runs in the park nearby.
I’ve felt that way for 13 years now, it’s gotten progressively worse. I just figured it was a part of my personality, like I can’t relate to people or something. Though I wasn’t always like that so I knew something was odd. I never heard of derealization until now. I went to the doctor several times during those years, they mostly said it was depression and prescribed me one thing or another, paxil, zoloft, etc. I knew I wasn’t depressed per se, the weird feeling of detachment was making me depressed. So I stopped using any medication cuz it made me feel worse. In my late teens early 20′s I did a lot of drugs, marijuana, ecstasy,lsd,coke, etc. I will say that by far ecstasy was the most damaging to my mental health, nothing else compared to the lasting effects. I havn’t done anything in over 10 years yet I still have a very detached feeling, like living in a cloud, no short term memory at all, I can’t stand talking to people or listening to them. I’m constantly nervous or have a sense of impending doom. Which really sucks because I’m married with a son and I have to hold it together everyday to run the family and work. Basically it feels like Im faking my way through the day everyday. I’m glad to see that its basically a byproduct of anxiety. However, I’m not really sure how to get rid of the anxiety, my work is very demanding, as are my bills and my family, so it kind of goes without saying that I have reasons to be anxious. I drink coffee and smoke cigs, rarely eat due to the weird feelings, so I have no appetite for food or sex, which really sucks. Granted I know that if I stopped smoking and drinking coffee it would reduce my stress however in my opinion it would not solve the root of the problem. So, it seems like it all comes down to an attitude change, oh, and a reality change wouldn’t hurt either.
Great story. I just over came my derealization after 12 days. Taking Vitamins, riding my bike, eating healthy, and staying positive to life. The more I thought about having a panic attack the more I felt like I was going to have one. I had every symptom from it. I thought it was going to be permanent but it sure does take a fight to finish it off. Mine was triggered by weed that I no longer smoke. My anxiety actually was good because it made me quit smoking cigarettes and pot. I lost 10 pounds but I know when you are physically and mentally exhausted you should still force yourself to eat. Because if your mind is weak your thoughts and the way you see things may seem like a living dream. I even took a visit to the hospital and I was fine. They prescribed me with Inderal but I have not needed any. After eating a good meal my mind was nearly back to normal. You can literally feel the derealization fade away.
I’ve been suffering from anxiety and depression for about 8 years now and have had non-stop derealization since (and possibly before my first anxiety attack).
I’m now 24 years old and my anxiety seems to get worse every month. I’m on a couple of medications (seroquel XR 100mg, cipralex 10mg) but they aren’t really helping. I am overweight and have been since I was young. I am almost certain my anxiety and depression are a direct cause of a massive chemical imbalance due to my obesity but I am not getting help for my weight.
Your story seems almost too good to be true, but I am thinking you had fewer minor life changes to make to fix it. For example: getting off the drugs probably helped a lot, taking some vitamins, not being overweight (unless you were), and other simple things. I have many things in my life to change and I feel absolutely hopeless.
On top of constant derealization I feel extreme anxiety about very irrational things. Some nights I’ll lay in bed and think that the derealization will consume me until I am no longer “here”. I can’t shake it…
To Mitch:
I was overweight when I got anxiety and still was when I got rid of it. Now, however, I am normal weight.
Here are some people you should listen to:
Charles Linden
Richard Bandler
Paul Mckenna
I’ve been suffering from derealization for about one and a half months now. it began when i witnessed a friend of a friend have a psychotic breakdown and experience delusions (she was bipolar; something that i didnt know when i met her. thus, it was totally and shockingly unexpected). it was terrifyingly similar to the movie ‘shutter island’ (though it wasn’t in a prison; if it was i’d probably have bigger things to worry about!). it was madness at first; i was so scared and lost. i didnt know what was happening. gradually, i found out that other people have it too; this helped a lot. now, knowing that it’s anxiety related it makes a lot of sense. i took the world on my shoulders when i decided to quit everything and write a novel. the incident that triggered was probably more a catalyst than a cause. anyway, i think it’s fading now. a whole-hearted thank you to everyone who has shared their experiences. it’s been the only thing that has prevented me from going crazy.
You have helped me overcome derealization! I had it for about 6 weeks. Thanks for your help
Wow, everything you’ve said and every symptom who have stated is EXACTLY what I have been going through the last year and a half. I got off the anti-depressants and adivan a month ago, for that month I felt the best I ever had during this ordeal. Unfortunatly all in the last week, ive had a almost total relapse. I do not know what trigger it. Now im going through the whole, losing my mind (madness) thing and getting depressed. I dont know if I should go back on the drugs or what. I’m getting to the point where I cant even think and Im feeling a bit suicidal. I know that sounds harsh but I cannot control the feelings. Any advice? What exactly does the L-theanine and magnesium do?? how much do I take and how often?? Any help would be greatly appreciated. I am not going to give up hope. Please feel free to email me. mr_ralston@live.ca
Thanks and good luck and take care to everyone =)
Fabulous story Davin. I expereinced something very, very similar. I had a panic attack whilst smoking some weed (something I didn’t normally do) and had a very, very bad trip… words cannot describe how bad the fear was that I was never going to be the same again whilst I was on this trip. I was taken to hospital and was sedated.
The next day I was fine, the next week however, sitting with friends I was overwhelmed with a sense of panic and a lack of control of my mind (even though I did have control)Looking back now I can see that it was some kind of post traumatic stress as a result of my bad trip. I then became fixated on being terrified that I was about to, or losing my mind. I lost my job as a result of my anxiety and became withdrawn, highly anxious and depressed. I just wanted to be asleep or unconscious so I didn’t have to be in my own head. I went to doctors who presribed me anti-psychotics, anti-depressents, valium…you name it, none of which helped in the slightest. I felt like life was not real, life was strange and, as crazy s it sounds, it felt like I was from a different plantet and just did not belong in this foreign place. Anyway, I went and saw a woman who did something called ‘Body Talk’ (look it up). All I needed was one treatment and I have been completely cured. She told me what my body needed to restore my mind to its former self, the result; cut out sugar. It WORKED! After literally months and months of dispair and misery I was cured. I know how hopeless you feel when you are like this and I never felt it could change for me but it did. I am now more in control and calmer than I ever have been in my life anymore and I’m not scared. Fear feeds this disorder so eat well, exercise and take on a fighting attititude towards this son of a b*tch and I promise you it will disappear.
I’m a 15 year old girl who has derealization. I have no clue how to deal with it. I wasn’t sure why I felt like everything was a dream until one day, I was on stumbleupon.com and it linked me to a website of the “15 mental disorders to get you laid” so, naturally, I thought it was funny so I checked it out. Reading the discriptions of the disorders, I realized I have derealization. But, I noticed this after having gone to a physcologist for months and her putting me on anti-depressants. They appeared to have worked after a while. But they aren’t working again. For me, derealization has linked me with a servere phobia of dying. But, this might have stemed from the reason I have derealization: a best friend dying when I was younger. Please e-mail me, all my friends don’t believe me and they think I’m insane. So, I just need someone to talk to. Thank you SO much for this page.
It just started for me, about 4 days ago. I am so glad that there are other people with the same symptoms, I felt like I was truly on the brink of insanity (I still kind of do). Thanks a lot!
It’s great to have a place where people can share their stories. I started to get the symptoms when i was about 12 years old. I still remember exactly how it happened. I was on the beach in France making a sand castle, and suddenly it hit me. All I could tell my parents was “I feel really really weird, I feel like I’m in a dream”. Ever since, I’ve battled it and I’ve learned to accept it as a part of me. I think once you realize that you can still lead your life while it ‘popping up’ occasionally, you see things in a different perspective and can accept it as a gift.
My advice for those who are in a crisis, is this: Learn to accept it as a looking-glass. Life still goes on. You can learn to block it out, or learn to use it to your advantage. You’re not alone as you can see, so keep your head up and have positive thoughts. Remember, if you give positive energy, you’re more likely to attract it towards you.
Thanks for the sharing the story mr Blogger, you give hope and support for those who need it.
Thank you for this!!!!!
I don’t know how exactly long Ive felt like what you have mentioned above, but I never had much of a clue as to what it was until now!
The ruminating, isolation, boredom, low self-esteem and anxiety can do a number on ones mental heath. However, I have been getting better by seeking out a job, playing games, or learning the ukulele lol
Now you’ve assured me it CAN BE DONE!!
Mucho gracias amigo
I’m 17 years old and have suffered with anxiety for nearly ten years. Right now it’s almost 2am and I’m laying in bed, afraid that at any moment I will go crazy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel….weird, like I’m seperate from my body almost. I get a tingling in my head and nose sometimes, but not a pressure. I’m hoping that by reading your story I remind myself there’s hope.
i can’t remember when i started having derealization but i know its been at least over 2 years now. i never really did drugs or anything. guess it just came on its own.. i do have a history of anxiety like social anxiety and depressions though.. i think maybe lots of stress from certain things and not having much of anything to ever might be a big part of it though..sometimes it hits me real hard and is terrible but i learn how to cope with it , i’m just patient and take it.. i dop have a lot of fast changing mood swings as well. so sometimes i feel really good despite the un real feelings or other things bothering me like i get obsessive thoughts/ocd that drives me nuts too and that also comes from anxiety. it gets hard for me to look at anything or enjoy anything.. like maybe i used to like cartoons etc.. i mean i still watch them but the fact that they arent real and stuff bugs me sometimes but everything feels un real anyways so i deal with it.. i do find that when i get sleep i feel better thoughand when i keep my mind busy and the healthy eating as well.. or when i get out and have variety with whre i go and what i look at smell/ taste.. etc..also for some reasons colors help a lot too like certain colors or neon colors improve my mood a lot and like chilly air or rain or bein out doors or physically doing something. mental stimulation? i guess
Hi. I’m brazilian, 19 years old, and I’ve been suffering from derealization for about 3 weeks now, but I just discovered it today. I thought it was anxiety and panic, but I never heard(until now) anyone about the feeling of “unrealness”, so I tought I was getting crazy, and I have been through some really hard times.
I went today to my 3rd acupuncture session, and just as you said, I felt really relaxed, almost like I was back in my good old life, but it all came back moments after I left the building. I’ll go next monday to my 2nd session with the psychologist, hope it will help.
I took a leave of absence from college because of this problem, I’m student of psychology. Hope I’ll be back soon, to help people like us in the future.
I really wanna thank everybody for sharing your stories, it’s sad to see that many people went through hard times with this problem, but it’s good to see that there’s hope and we’re not alone.
it does make me feel better when reading positive testimonies, i have had derealization for about 2 months now. i was out of work for a while and was just sat at home vegetating and doing the same things day in and day out. i remember one day that my sight was kinda weird and i was convinced that all that all the things i was used to seeing wasn’t registering in the same way, and then on a sunday i remember watching dancing on ice lol, my whole family was around me talking and all of a sudden i started to have a panic attack but remained totally calm (trying desperately not to show it), whilst going through i was looking at my family but felt like i didn’t even know them. straight after this i began to lose sleep and was in constant panic and fear. i began work within days and thought that it would make me better and i felt consumed in my head with incredible headaches but like numb headaches, and feeling trapped in myself. i know it sounds weird but i felt like a camera just watching people and life pass by but not connected to it anymore. the one thing that revolves around my mind which fuels this is “questions”. i thought i understood what we were as humans, being born, growing up, and being part of life and accepting life as that but the most familiar things i see in life seem so disconnected, i look at things like sight and memories and our brain and think “why are we like we are” and “why does it even exists” and the main thing that still pops into my head is the thought that “if we are just chemicals in our body and a load of memories” what makes us, us, i used to think of myself a normal being but look at my self as an incredible creation. i used to know who i was and feel i have no identity anymore and feel so vulnerable and inadequate, feeling my sight, hearing is not normal. I’m sorry if this is a downer lol on the subject and hope it doesn’t create problems for pother people i really hope it doesn’t ( there’s a reason i just need to find it). i feel like I’m expecting to wake up any minute but I’m not i wake up in the same place every day. i don’t know if anyone feels that same way and if they found a way out, please tell me how. i feel like i don’t know what normality is anymore please email me at l_basc@hotmail.co.uk
My DR was brought on by my one off usage of a now illegal, but once legal drug known as MCAT. about 2 days after taking it my body was flooded with anxiety for about 2 weeks straight, and this lead to my case of DR. Obviously when I first started noticing it I didn’t know what DR was so I thought the drug had damaged my brain somehow, but after research I discovered it was nothing more than a side effect of the anxiety as a result of taking this horrible drug. I’ve had it for one and a half years now. I notice it from time to time but have accepted that I don’t have to share the same feeling of reality everybody else does. after about 6 months it simply did not bother me any more. I would say I notice it on average for about half hour every day, even though I know that it is always there. I would have thought that accepting and living with it as if it is completely normal, and not thinking about it at all would have cured me, but it hasn’t which I find intriguing. I don’t know when it will go, or if it even will go but it seriously doesn’t have any impact on my life. Best advice I could give to anyone suffering from DR is stay strong and just accept that this IS what is happening to you. Just accept it and do not let it run your life, you can try treatments etc. that’s fine, but ultimately I believe that your mind has the ability to heal itself in this instance. Besides, it is actually enjoyable when you feel detached from yourself when you are in bed. you feel like you are literally floating away into a good nights sleep. The thing I would say makes it the most noticeable is when you wonder into strong, artificially lighted environments – considerably more when you are in buildings at night time.
Hey,
I’ve been battling derealization for the last 6 weeks after an acid trip. The trip was fine, but ever since I’ve felt completely numb and have experienced many of the symptoms above.
The thing that really gets me down is that music no longer sounds the same, as if I can’t connect or hear it in the same way. My job was as a dj and I’m literally going insane thinking that I can’t hear music again.
Any ideas?
When I was 17 I went to Bali and done mushrooms for the first time (i never usto touch drugs) and the trip was fun and crazy untill i tried to go to sleep then it was sheer panic (thought i would never come down), i didnt sleep and i had to fly back to australia basicly still high the next day! when i came down finally i felt ok, untill a few days later i woke up sweating and panicking and started experiencing a strange feeling i couldnt explain. all i did was sleep and feel like crying when i was awake (I also felt really guilty and was in a way punishing myself). I didnt have a job at the time so it made it worse, I then landed a job a law firm and when in my second week I was away for days because i thought i was going crazy! I told work that there was a family crisis and went back.. only to deal with the most horrible feeling of feeling unreal, detatched and frustrated.. and the worst part was everytime i woke up in the morning.. it was almost like my dreams determined how my day would pan out? like i didnt know what was reality “my dreams or the actual day”?! after about 3-4 months as i got really into my job these strange feelings started to SLOWLY fade.. they everntually stopped as i stopped dwelling on my symtoms (which trust me is very hard to do) and I was so gratefull. i stopped working at the firm last year and this year i now work at another job (superannuation place) and it was going great! and up untill just recently, i tried that synthetic legal weed, spice? (Kronic) and completly flipped out! it was worse than mushrooms and was the scariest thing I have ever experienced (almost traumatic) i sware it, and the worst part about it was i was high for 3 days after that because my liver couldnt break it down properly! I felt like i was dying and i knew that my derealization would come back because its almost like our brains way of saying hey NO MORE and it protects itself (blocks out reality in a way) and then we go into fight or flight mode and feel like we want to run away from something but cant. right now as i supected its back full blown and every day is such a struggle (worse than last time) and there seems like theres no releif, i feel like i am constantly analyzing my symtoms and cant stop it, feel like my past never happened and i’m not really here, i cant look into the future because my anxiety causes me to think I wont be here for the future? which is so strange! i feel like i dont know who i am and that I could wake up any minute.. it’s the worst when I go to bed because there is so much to think about
I would not wish this feeling upon anyone it is disturbing but I tell myself and I’m telling all of you now that it does go away, we feel like we are in our own little world and no matter what people tell you it wont get through to you because well your in your own world and to you these voices may or may not be real.. just don’t overwhelm yourself because that’s what causes this.. I have come to the concusion myself that if you overwhelm your brain with anxious compulsive thoughts, it’s more reluctant to almost shut out reality completely to protect you from more stresses that may bother you because it cant take any more! keep busy, look through old photos if you have to, and most of all.. think to yourself it could be worse.. you could be homeless, have cancer, ext..
hope this helps.
kel
Im a 17 year old girl. I believe I was 11 years old when this started happening to me, I’ve had a history of depression & I’ve always thought the weird feelings I felt were due to me swinging on a swing then falling head first to the ground around that age. It never fully hit me until I was on a st. Louis field trip in the science muesem we were walking, then all of a sudden, I felt really weird, very hard to describe, I felt like I couldn’t feel my body or surroundings, it felt unreal, in a dream, I felt as if I was going to faint, my friend carried me to the bus. I came home crying, I became very depressed, I went to see many doctors, went to emergency rooms, allergy tests, cat scans, 3 MRI’s, blood tests, eye tests, therapists, neurologists, it was very hard for me to explain, all I could say was I felt weird, unreal, constant head pressure, all that would never go away. They couldn’t find anything. I’ve only had 3-4 of those severe “attacks” in my life, those were years ago, havent happened since but there’s always fear. I’ve learned to cope with it, & am finally living a normal life. I just came across the term derealization while on wiki today after looking on visual snow, I never knew what I had, until now, almost 7 years later. Im in tears, I didn’t know people are going through the same thing as me, now I have hope, I thought I was alone, I always thought “why do I feel this way, I just want to feel like everyone else” I gave up because I realized, no one I knew would ever understand, they’d think I was crazy. I now know what I have (whoa, there’s an actual name for it) & hopefully it will be cured.
Thank you everyone for posting your stories, it really does help knowing your not the only one suffering from this. I started noticing DR after I smoked weed about 2 years ago. I would have panic attacks only on occasion and it would always happen when I was in the shower. But just recently it has gotten very bad. The weekend before my birthday I got really drunk and high, to a point where I just felt unreal. It was by far the worst feeling I have ever experienced in my life. That night it triggered DR to the fullest. I felt dreamy and unreal, it was so bad that on the day of my bday I felt so miserable inside. It felt like I didn’t have any emotions, couldn’t feel happy. I was suppose to go to Vegas the weekend after my bday but I felt so depressed that I canceled last minute. I quit drinking and smoking as of DR and I’ve been going to church a lot now. I’m gonna seek professional help because it feels like I cant fight this alone. Although I still suffer from DR I feel that everything happens for a reason and maybe it was a sign telling me to get my life together.
@Locky.
I have derealization for 3 years. I felt like my visual abilities drop down.
I look at the surroundings as different as if I am living in my dreams. After reading your comment, an idea suddenly came in to my mind. The most important for me is my sense of sight. I use it to read, use my computer and almost everything I do. It seems that I am more afraid to be blind than to die just because I always use my eye.
And yours…is your ability to hear. I think its because you love your hearing more than you can see, feel, or taste. That makes you very conscious of hearing. What you always do before the derealization occured seems to be strange to you after you have dr. I have dr, but I can almost assure that I have no problem in hearing, just because I am not afraid to lose it.
I had my first panic attack ever april 13th of 2011( i am 21 and have had anxiety since age 12 and a slight case of social phobia).. I was having trouble breathing felt trembly and shakey inside not to mention the fast heart beat and paying to much attention to my own breathing sensitizing i think they called it, anywho i took a hot bath made myself go to sleep cause atleast if i was sleeping my mind would be at ease and my heart rate would go down.. The next day I was still feeling panic i had my mother drive me to the ER.. there had to be something else wrong.. or so i thought.. They made me wait 5 hours , did blood work told me that i was going to be okay and that i was having a panic attack and its not life threatening..(even though i felt as if i was dying, my heart rates always normal.. it was 117 which is scary for me) so finally i got to see the md. blood work was normal. she gave me 10 days worth of larazapam..at first it worked so well i thought i was going to be okay. i was told to take it as needed every 12 hours ( i don’t like taking meds at all) so me only taking 1 pill in a 24 hour period worked.. until about a week later I make a doctors appointment he puts me on 20mg of paxil ( i was on it as a kid so i asked for it over any other meds, it worked so well before) He also gives me more larazapam.. Strictly tells me only take it as needed if im not having a panic attack dont take it( the larazapam) . my panic was horrible sooo unbearable so i took a larazapam at this time i started the paxil as well..6 days into the paxil i started to feel even more panic just rushes of adrenaline for no reason and i kept asking myself whats stressing me out.. i couldnt think of anything that was irritating me in any way. I was starting to feel dizzy, lightheaded, fearful, hot and cold flashes, waking up at 3 am with my heart racing, sweaty feet, twinges of pain in my head sharp pains but as soon as they came on they left before i could complain of a headache cause it wasn’t really.. So i had those symptoms and by Day 8 i had my mother call my doctor.. i was so stressed that i couldnt even pick up a phone and talk.. not to mention talk clearly i couldnt consentrate on anything..i felt like i was going crazy i felt doomed no sense of reality..everything felt so fake..i was in high land more then dreamland not to mention still having all the symptoms listed above as well. He wanted to see me immediately, i lost 7 lbs in 8 days which was the start of paxil, i couldnt feel my stomach wether i was full or hungry. He told me i was having withdrawls from the larazapam and thats why i was feeling panic and no sense of reality. the withdrawls from larazapam are simular to the withdrawls from alcohol. he took me off all meds since i have only been on the paxil for 8 days and it takes 1-6 weeks to get in my system it was probably for the best. its now may 15th 2011..been a month since my ER visit and my first panic attack. It’s been 2 weeks off all meds i still get the sweaty feet and panic and have no sense of reality, I just hope it goes away soon.. every morning i wake up and have an uneasy feeling of panic but in my head i ask myself what on earth is stressin me out lol.. its such a long process alls i want to do is sleep to get through my day cause its still unbearable to feel the doom of panic although i feel much better then i did before any meds… The meds were worse then the panic attack itself! thats just my oppinion from my experience. im hoping if i cant kick the rest of my symptoms by myself that they can put me on a low doseage pill to just take the edge off but not mess with my heart.. Btw im only 5’5 and weigh 116 so pills could have just been to strong for my little body. and if i remember right when i was younger and they had me on paxil they started me out on like 5 mg and went to 10mg’s anyone else have thier doc slowly put them on paxil? i think even though it was a week and i did have withdrawls from larazapam that theres def. a chance that the paxil was what was making all my symptoms worse…especially if it was to high of a dose?!?!? i asked my doc about how i was slowly put on it before and he didnt deny that thats how it has to be done…maybe he messed up? lol hes not a psychiatrist so it could happen…
Hey, Im 16 and I have been dealing with this for 4 months now. I took an anti-biotic called minocycline at a significantly high dose for 2 weeks and it completely messed me up. about a week in I developed very sparkly vision, like shimmering dots when I would look at solid walls or the sky. I got completely depersonalized and could barely function, developed high anxiety from this cause I did not know what was wrong with me. I stopped the meds because of this and it still hasnt worn off. Although the depersonalization is completely gone now I still have derealization. It feels like I am in a dream and can’t snap out of it. It gets worse under flourescent lights, so its very difficult to concentrate in school. My friends tell me that I have been acting ‘weird”, this really disheartens me because i was normal 4 months ago. After stopping minocycline I took accutane for 3 weeks and stopped that, didn’t seem to help this much either lol. Just last month i developed a few eye floaters in my left eye. I have been under constant stres and anxiety for 4 months and am at rock bottom. I used to be a really happy guy now im always sad and don’t talk alot. Does anyone know if you resolve your symptoms of anxiety will the sparkling vision go away. also will the floaters go away once the derealization does, it seems that im more sensitive to everything, light included. has anyone had floaters during DR and had them go away, I only have a few but they still frustrate me because it just adds to my already huge list of concern and as a result furthers the anxiety. I go to doctors neurologist etc they all say im normal and look healthy, sometimes I just wanna yell at them and say try sitting on my end of the spectrum and tell me that im healthy, chances are you want be able to. Oh and lastly I have never done drugs in my life, no weed no anything. My doctor told me to stay away from it because it could aggrivate the condition, didn’t have any desire to do it in the first place so this just confirmed my decision. Stay away from drugs, why risk your health? If anyone can help me out that would be great, i need o get my life back, im only 16.
Please send me an email at ryan_devils_rule@hotmail.com. just need to talk to someone about this, thanks alot for takin the time to read.
Wow.. I have been suffering from derealization for at least 2 years now.. Well that’s when it’s been the worst. I really noticed it after smoking weed for the first time ever when I was in my junior year of high school. After that I remember just going crazy! I have had anxiety and depression all my life and have seen a therapist since age 7. After the weed I just felt like my whole world seemed unreal and as if I was dreaming. I had this funny feeling in my head.. It was deep in my head that just felt like a weight.. I could never figure out what the feeling was it was just depressing and scary and dark.. I got a catscan on my he’s because I was so convinced something was wrong with my brain and obviously that came back normal. I just feel so dead .. Like a zombie. I wanted to die all day every day because I felt like it was the only way out. Sometimes it helped to just scream and cry and let myself have my panic attack do I could feel renewed and refreshed after. I just feel like my perception is off or something isn’t right. I get envious of other people and teenagers I see having fun with no worries because I have to try so hard and still feel nothing.. I cannot connect with people or the outside world. I would sometimes feel like this after getting drunk also but the weed effects lasted longer. I even called 911 last winter and had the ambulance take me to the hospital after falling to the ground and they said I had a panic attack.. They made me go to a psych evaluating place because I was so depressed and deadlike.. I felt like I would be like this forever and I would never be the same again or be able to feel so what was the point of living if you cannot experience emotion or feel? The only emotion I ever felt was fear. I turned to the Internet also, searching for my “disease” I then diagnosed myself with derealization and my therapist diagnosed me with it also. I have done good since then, I just kept busy and worked out, played sports, and went to school. I don’t like being alone and bored because it makes me have horrible thoughts and then I get myself all worked up and scared.. But then again I am terrified of doing anything fun and hanging
Out with friends in case I feel like this in public and can’t escape or something so I always avoid parties and people and fun things.. I got better even though it took a whole year. I only felt it
Once in awhile and then recently, a 2 nights ago I ate a weed cupcake, apparently it was a very very strong one. I ate the whole thing and then I had alcohol and then I took 2 hits from a bong which I have never done before either.. I have never been so afraid in my life. I will NEVER do weed again. I just remember that I felt like I was living
In snapshots and everything was slow mo and I would hallucinate sometimes. These boys were joking saying how it was laced with other drugs which made me cry and set me into panic mode. I got home at 5 am and slept for an hour then I got up and I don’t even remember what I did but I took a shower and fell back to sleep because I was still tweaking. I get really scared when I think about it.. And those feelings. I texted one of the boys when we were all sober and he said it was weed. So I feel a bit better but I’m really sensitive and I rhinitis combination of the edible cupcake with weed plus the alcohol and the inhalation of the weed just affected me differently. Now I feel worse than ever. I just spent a year recovering and now I hate myself so much for throwing myself back into that. My biggest fears are “what if this time I’m stuck like this forever?” I dont want to be.. My friends said it was only my second time smoking and to just take care of myself and be healthy from now on and it will pass but I know how scary it can be and terrifying. I feel alive obviously because I’m here but I feel like something in my brain just isn’t clicking and I feel out of it or in a dream. Can anyone help me or has anyone had similar experiences? And the thing is that I’m going
Away in June for college and I’m so scared because it’s in another state and I’m afraid I won’t feel better by then with this derealization and my fears and phobias of being dereal and feeling
This way always cause
Me to not do things and ruin my life. College is important and I have to go then because otherwise my scholarship will be no use. I need help and advice. Anyone?
I haven’t begun treatment or anything as of yet, and every story I have read whilst seeking answers has given me nothing. Thank you so much for posting this, I now know that I’m not alone and that is very hard to feel at the moment. I have been suffering panic attacks, rapid heartbeat, headaches and pressure behind the eyes and nose, chest pains and very bad derealization for about 2 months intensely now. Sometimes I honestly don’t want to be alive thinking I’m going mad, but you have given me faith.
Hi there,
I have been experiencing absolutely all of the symptoms of DR, as well as many separately regarded as DP. I am Twenty-one years old, and recently lost my brother to suicide, which I can now see was a direct result of such symptoms, but that were dealt with in a system that assumed psychosis, schizophrenia, or something else ‘permanent’. Eventually you will believe what you are being told. He knew nothing of this condition, and neither did his family members, at the time. I began drinking heavily following his death. We shared the same group of friends so we all basically ‘partied’ in his name for about a month straight (this was last June). When everyone else, including my sister and closest friends, came out of this drinking mode, I failed to do so effectively. I never felt ‘addicted’ to alcohol, I don’t crave it unless it is already in me. But as a 21 year old University student who was living with nine guys, it was a hard notion for me to accept, that I may have to quit drinking, so I lied to myself, and ended up hospitalized for withdrawal 6 times, the final to were considered acute. Every time I drank, I went into withdrawal the next day. Based on my unavoidable terrifying memory of my initial one, any alcohol in my system triggered the mental side effects of withdrawal (delirium, *DP/DR HUGELY, hallucinations, and fear in general. The only thing that stopped it, it seemed, was ethanol. So I’d try to self medicate, as I was embarrassed of my state, and couldnt show myself otherwise. The final time it happened, was the worst. I had five full blown seizures (I had had three in total in previous ones), I couldn’t speak, and I devised a way to do away with my own self. After all my family has gone through, and I have never suffered with severe depression or anxiety (though, mildly, for sure), I actually greatly considered leaving them. The thought of that still haunts me to this day, but I can’t help but have intrusive thoughts of death and suicide anymore. I know I will never act, but they are disturbing. I quit drinking, for good, with no trouble at all after finally learning that it was going to kill me or, even worse, fuck me up for life. It has been four months, but I was immediately prescribed to Paxil, and I won’t get into much detail, as I am writing a piece against the fucking drug, and maybe I will post it on here. Through all the past withdrawals, once the alcohol was out of my system, as were the fear of panic attacks, losing control, feeling like I was in a terrible dream, but then having dreams that, if real, would be much worse (that gave me some bizarre kind of hope). I’m ranting, typing very fast, I just want to say, that there is hope. I have been clean of Paxil, alcohol, caffeine, (I still smoke cigarettes), and I can honestly say that the world is looking more ‘real’ everyday. I still have a major issue of feeling as though I were confronted with the devastating awareness of the meaningless of the world. It’s still absurd to me, but more in the playful way it always was. I love feeling like I can love others to my full ability. I have SO many people in my life, and while I was on that drug and experiencing withdrawal induced DR, I isolated myself, I was scared of what I might do to others, even though all I’ve ever done is receive them with love and open-mindedness, I began fearing I was insane and could unknowingly kill someone at any given time. I’d bite my hand until it bled in social situations. Now, I still feel as though I have to somewhat force being social more than I ever did, but those thoughts are finally ridiculous to me, and things look somewhat ‘colorful’ again, and 3D, and tangible, so to speak. Everyday is better, this guys story provides absolutely necessary, well delivered advice. Listen, to your own degree, and you will get out of this. I still have to remove my self from some situations for fear that everyone are aliens, but I;m able to embrace those thoughts now, and they naturally shut themselves off if you dont let yourself be too scared by them. I feel for all of you sooooo much. It’s horrible. But getting caught up in a system of buying into your self-diagnosed insanity, will kill you. So stop. I love you all. PEACE!
I’m 22, and have been suffering from this since I was 17, though I’ve experienced panic attacks my whole life. I went to the doctor when it first happened, convinced I had a brain tumour/had been drugged/epilepsy/insanity/brain damage from recreational drug use, and he dismissed it as ‘anxiety’ without explaining derealization to me at all, and it’s only from browsing the web that I happened to come across derealization on Wikipedia a couple of years ago. I admitted myself to A&E more times than I can remember. Medication didn’t help. It’s a relief to know that I’m not the only one who experiences this. I find the only thing that temporarily makes it disappear is alcohol, but it then gets much worse after a night of drinking. Although when I was pregnant with my son, and cut out drinking, smoking, caffeine and had an extremely healthy diet, it almost went away completely, however since the pregnancy ended I have adopted my old habits again, and it’s returned, but after five years experience of this I’ve learnt how to deal with it, but it still gets to me.
I so appreciate your story. Sometimes what makes this worse is that we feel so alone when if you just look at this one page-we are not alone. I really appreciate success stories. The human mind is so powerful and sometimes that’s what scares me the most. That I am in control. I sometimes feel I do things to spite myself and want to make my life miserable. Like when I am having a good day anxious and derealized thoughts haunt me and in a weird sense, I know its me and I can stop it. Ugh, its so irritating. I have faught this before and lived fine for years then got a health scare (which is my major concern in life-health) and it started again, except worse because my mind is only focused on that. I have gotten better and have faith. Sometimes I feel blinded by the derealization like I cant even think and just wanna stare. Like i’m emotionless. So much of what you mentioned and something I can’t even put into words-just the weirdest state of mind-confusion, forgetfulness. I hate the feeling. I KNOW it can be overcome but my anxiety takes control sometimes and I make myself think I am powerless when we all have the power to get over this. Thank you for your story. What ppl need to realize is that it is a process, things need to change, thought patterns need to change, it will take effort. You must go out and do things keep your mind occupied and soon the thought of derealization will dissapear and when it comes back you will laugh at it. Once your mind plants a negative thought, it continues to do so-but when just the opposite is true also-when your mind plants good thoughts -it continues to do so. Fear is a huge factor in this also. STOP being afraid. It’s so easy for me to give direction but hard to take it because it’s such a scary feeling. Just wondering- did you have issues breathing? I always have problems breathing due to my anxiety, its a pain. Goodluck everyone. I believe God guides me stories like these to help me in my own journey. I believe these negative experiences can lead to a very powerful mind and very positive things in life.
…… just to continue with my previous comment. I thank God for all of your stories. The way you all are describing this horrible anxiety and it’s effects are really putting it into perspective to me. WE ALL ARE NOT CRAZY. I feel like anxious people are just so incredible intelligent to the reality of “bad” things happening in life. My relationship with God has helped me. It gave me a sense of life. I, too, have this feeling of a meaningless worth and why am I even here to suffer. I always wanted to be like other ppl who don’t worry about anything! We are all normal too. Some of us experienced things most ppl did not, so our mind learned to be scared. We can tell our mind not to. Be positive, Be hopeful, realize your blessings. In my religion, the Bible says think on GOOD things. Nomatter how aware we are – we have the power when a negative thought enters our mind not to dwell on it and change it. I understand what you are all going through. I thank you for your ways of describing this because I feel like you all understand.
Presley, going off to college is what cured me for years! Remember, if something bad were to happen it would wether u are alone or with ppl. Most of the time in life the “bad” things aren’t common. You have such a better chance of being fine. So stop wasting time worrying about 5 % chance of something when 95 % says you.will.be.fine. !!!! Have faith and think on the good things!!
Hi. I’m 14 and my anxiety began 5 YEARS ago.Ofc’ I didn’t use any drugs,I was still a kid.I still am.I didn’t have any trauma except my dad always being away,and my parents bad marriage.They divorced when I was 13.My anxiety was the worst when it was dark.I was completely cool during the day but the nights were not so normal.I didn’t know how to call it.I didn’t know how to explain it.So my parents took me to see a bunch of doctors because they didn’t know what was going on.My body was completely healthy and it still is.So we didn’t find out anything.We understood that it was something psychological.They took me to see a psychoanalyst and I’v been going to therapy for a year now.It helped me a lot.I grew mentally,I’v learned how to dill with teenage and life problems…and 4 months ago I started taking an antidepressant because the period was so bad.I couldn’t go to school,i couldn’t hang out with my friends,I was depressed.It was awful.And after a month,things started getting better,and better,and better.And finally I started living life normally.The derealization was still here,but anxiety was almost gone.The summer vacation has started about 2 months ago,and so far it’s been awesome!I’ve started going out with my friends even during the night which was amazing,and I was so happy.But,lately,I am feeling a lot better than I did 4 months ago,but 3 days ago,I think that my anxiety is coming back.I don’t want to be negative,but I don’t want to go back to my old life.I don’t want it to stop me from living again!And I won’t let that happen!Thank you for this site/blog and for showing me that I’m not alone.And that there are people that went or are going through the stuff I did/am.And I believe I’m going to be fine.:)
I have been suffering from this “derealization” for a while now. And it never happened before, until I first tried Marijuana. I smoked on and off for a couple years but not often just on occasion, and I started to notice that unreal feeling. I got the same exact feeling but more intense when I smoked, which scared me, but no where near as scary as feeling it when I did not smoke. I stopped in January of 2011 and haven’t done it since.. but I feel as if my mind remembers it and it just comes back every day. I thought I was stuck on some kind of trip for a while and it’s been driving me insane. I am so afraid and today I have been lucky enough to come across this life changing story. I am going to listen to everything you have said and I truly already feel more relieved from just reading it. Thank you so much for writing this and not being everyone else that you try and talk to about it and can’t relate to you and thinks you’re insane… we all know that I guess. I’ve always had anxiety problems, and now I am convinced this feeling is just that. I can THINK my-self into a drenched sweat. That’s how strong my anxiety is. I am so happy to immediately be able to believe that I am still real, I am not dreaming, I am not stuck in a trip… I am just nervous and anxious. And I can and will fix it with the help from this story. Thank you, whoever you are.
I am almost 23 years old and just finishing up college, and I feel like I have been completely crippled by derealization. Now that I look back at my life and my personality, I think I’ve always had a bit of a disposition to social phobia, anxiety, and derealization, but about 3 months ago it got taken to a whole new level. I was at a friend’s house smoking weed, and all of the sudden I started to get super paranoid. I thought everyone at the party was talking about me and how weird they thought I was. It seriously messed with my head. I went home and started basically analyzing all of the memories I could think of of any social interactions I’ve had in my life…literally memories going back to when I was 4 or 5 years old to see if people had always thought of me as extremely weird or I was losing my mind. It was like in a day I had an entire perceptual change of my whole life experience. I suddenly viewed 22 fairly happy years in a completely new and awful light. It’s filled me with extreme anxiety as a result. I feel like the person I thought I was is gone, and now I don’t even know who I am. I wake up in the morning and feel like I’m in a dream. All I want to do is convince myself that the people I know and the place’s I’m in aren’t real. I also feel like I can’t continue a coherent thought for more than a couple seconds. Even right now I feel like I have no idea what I’m typing or what I’m trying to say. I’m glad to hear these comments and that other people have gotten help and been cured from this, but it really does feel like I’m losing my mind. I hope for the best, but this is really tough. I have no sense of identity or personality. Sometimes I will just sit down at my computer at night to waste some time and think, “what do I want to do right now?” But instead of coming up with something, I’ll think, “I have no idea. I don’t even know what I like or what I want to do with my time/life.” I don’t know who I am and feel very disconnected from the world
Hi my name is Jennifer and I started to get really bad anxiety and panic attacks when I was 19. I had no idea what was happening to me and thought I was going to loose control of my mind and body or possibly die. I went to the doctor and he put me on 10mg of Lexapro. I never had anything traumatic happen in my life nor did I do drugs. I lost weight and was depressed because I kept wondering why me? The worst part was the derealization because I thought something was wrong with my brain. I went to the eye doctor and nothing was wrong with my sight, so the eye doctor recommended me to a neurologist and he said I was fine. At this point I started to get a little better and the bad thoughts started to go away and eventually I recovered because I kept my mind busy. Now 8 years later I started to suffer from the same symptoms. Back in late January 2011 I started to get really really bad panic attacks where I thought I was going to loose control and pass out and die. I could barely work because I thought something was wrong with my brain once again due to the derealization. I still feel like I don’t exist and I’m just floating around. I’ve lost 25 pounds, (partially from working out to try get rid of stress) I feel like I obsess over bad thoughts all day long, like what if this happens or what if that happens. I won’t touch certain things or do certain things I used to do because of germs that could hurt me. I had to get a root canal done the other day and started freaking out thinking something bad would happen to me, even though my dentist is great, I kept thinking in my mind something is going to happen. It seems the more I worry about my derealization the more I have it. So I’ve come to the conclusion if I stop thinking about all of the bad thoughts it will slowly go away. I DO NOT drink anymore because it only makes depression worse. I have become more spiritual and started reading a book by Joyce Meyers called Battlefield of The Mind. It’s a great book and I highly recommend it and any other reading material by Joyce Meyers. I am still on medicine, in fact my doctor increased my dose of Lexapro from 10mg to 20mg and I seem to be getting better with my thoughts, however not the derealization. I am hoping this goes away soon because It’s soooo scary. I wish everyone the best of luck and I feel a lot better knowing I’m not alone. God Bless!!
This page has really helped me a lot. Reading the op’s story gave me hope. Reading all of the other stories made me realize that I am not alone. I’ve had dp-dr on and off for about 8 years which was triggered by a traumatic event for me. I’ve been trough panic attacks that lasted almost all day, one after the other for about 2-3 weeks for no apparent reason this time. After that the dp-dr set in and that made the panic attacks worse. This happened this spring. I went to see a therapist and she had no idea what I was talking about and she made matters worse by going through my past. She didn’t know about dp-dr and panic attacks that lasted so long. I tried supplements, meditation, relaxation(you can’t really relax when you’re like this). I finally said enough and went to the hospital and I saw a very qualified psychiatrist who knew what I was talking about and finally diagnosed me. I was suffering from Generalized anxiety disorder and a bit of Obsessive compulsive behavior(I’m just pure o, I just get the obsessions). I was totally against medication but I was at the end of my rope and I was willing to try anything. I told him I didn’t want antidepressants because I really had a very bad experience with them. He suggested Rivotril(Canada), Klonopin(USA), Clonazepam(generic). I agreed, I was under surveillance at the hospital for 2 days to see if I was reacting badly to the medication. I was fine. The dp-dr had lifted about 50%. They sent me home. This happened 3 months ago, I am still on Rivotril 1.5 mg every day(.5mgx3). I would say that my dp-dr is almost gone, I only get flashes but I am able to think about something else. I didn’t have a panic attack since! There is more to it than that though. I exercise mildly everyday 30 minutes. I cut my caffeine intake. No more than 1 cup of cofee per day. I take supplements magnesium, multivitamins omega 3, calcium, vitamin b complex. I cut down sweets and junk food. Keep busy, do things you used to like even if you don’t feel like it, that really helped a lot. Refocus on something else when you have a bad episode of anxiety, dp-dr. It worked for me so far. I’ve read up on Rivotril and I understand that it’s not something you can take for a long time and that you have to be careful. I am monitored by my psychiatrist for the medication. I’ve read a book called Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz. I highly recommend it even if you don’t have ocd. This website also gave me very useful information (http://www.ocdonline.com/video.php) I also tried the Linden Method, it did help in some ways, but it didn’t cure me. In my case, I absolutely needed medication, I could not take it anymore. I am not cured but I know that I am on the road to recovery. I don’t know if any of this will help someone, but I hope it will. I have to thank again the op for sharing his story. I think it gave hope to a lot of people.
Liz
I am 17 and I have sufferd with what I beloved to be anxiety .. I get dizzy all the time and just recently felt out of touch with my own body . I don’t feel like me anymore I just want my life back now I’m hiting rock bottom .. i have most of the syptoms above, I always feel like I’m going insain or I’m going to die .. it helps to here I’m not the only one I hope some people can relate to me and feel they are not alone, anxiety is a horrible thing, but be strong
I have been feeling this feeling too for the past few days and I literally thought I was going crazy because I felt very strange and thought I was tripping out but i used google and typed in my symptoms and it came up with anxiety and derealization which is caused by anxiety. My dad passed away 2 and a half years ago when i was 15 just turning 16 and it was very shocking because it was a heart attack and very sudden. My mom was very shocked by this too( i mean who wouldnt be after loosing their husband) and she went and talked to a doctor and so did my siblings and I ,but now recently i just graduated high school and since my mom couldnt pay for where we were living we had to move closer to family and i was very stressed out about it, and to make it worse i had to leave the love of my life behind (i still am with her but its a long distance relationship and i feel if i let go of her it would be worse), but recently i went on vacation and smoked a lot of weed and one night i thought i was going to have a panic attack but kept it together but still felt the anxiety. the next day i called my mom and told her what was going on and i still felt like i was going crazy but now im home and i have a doctors appointment tomorrow and im just getting sick of living like this because it really does take over your life and i feel for anybody who has this condition. Positive Mental Attitude is all i can say.
Its good too know that we arnt just people who are suffering from a one off illness and that its just a defence mechanism caused by anxiety, I’m a 17 year old male who lives in south england, I have been experiencing derealizeation for over 2 months now due too playing around with mdma too often in a short amount of time (done it 5 times in a week) and I’m now learning my lesson, at first it was like a living hell, the anxiety didn’t kick in str8 after coming off it, but by the end of the first week I could tell I was going too be in for a bumpy ride, I believe it was also withdrawal symptoms I was having also for the first month, these consisted of. The typical symptoms which the main is EXTREME anxiety witch left me being sleepless for about 4 nights within the first 3 weeks or so, and when I got sleep I kept jerking just as I fell asleep but at the time I didn’t know it was all just really bad anxiety, also what triggered the anxiety too be worst was when I was falling too sleep on the way too work I was waking up in a panic attack and this consisted for the first month also. things basically got worst and worst, I diagnosed myself numerous times with all sorts, sterotyne syndrome, schitzaphrenia, psychosis, I just wanted too put a name on it, but it was just anxiety and depression. things can only get worst before they can get better and now 2 months on a can finally say I’m officially on the road too recovery and at times I’m seeing the light, even though I’m still suffering from bouts of depression at times, still anxious thoughts and symptoms, and the obvious derealization, but I can say that it really isn’t bothering me and I know one day in the future I will be able too say that, that was a lesson too myself, if I abuse my body, I will pay the consequences, and in this experience I have learned the value and meaning of life, and sitting here knowing I have so much in life, a beautiful family, a bright looking future I really don’t remember what I was thinking when I decided too abuse such a beautiful drug, but this is going too be probably the biggest lesson in my life, and I will probably never touch it again, or at least not abuse it!
Everyone here has there different reason as too why they are suffering from this, some there’s no reason, but we can all safely say that this is just a form of anxiety, and once the anxiety goes away, the dp/dr will also wear off, I could blabber on for aages more about the times I have been through during these last 2 months, but I’ll keep it too a minimum, thanks for putting up this post and too everyone going through this.. There’s light at the end, just believe it! Don’t dwell on your negative thoughts, no’ones perfect! And everyone goes through hard times during there life, Goodluck too all of you and remember, you only live once, so no matter what your going through- accept the facts and live with them, seek medical attention if needed! But too be honest, I’m going at this on my own, and I will not let this beat me!
Peaceeee out my fellow derealized/depersonalized bretherens! Wishing you all a fulfilling and eventful future! And you know what.. Bullshit too not being able too feel emotion when having this.. I have cried atleast 5 times in the last month, due too many different reasons.. Proof you can feel emotion! Hahah
Hello all,
I just happen to stumble upon this site after once again finding mysely almost on the brink of insanity, and I am so glad that I did. My case is pretty complex. I am a 39 year old female that has been experiencing anxiety, mainly derealization symptons off and on for approximately 15 years now. Although I first started noticing symptoms of feeling in a dream-like state way before the early 90′s.
I can remember when I was about 12 years old, and there would be times when I would just snap out of the moment. I would go into a certain state of mind, and completely disconnect from the universe for what seemed like minutes on end. I would eventually snap out of it and soon shake it off, go about my day as if nothing happened. Although not ever being diagnosed, I have been suffering from social anxiety, rapid mood change and obessive thought disorder since I was a child, but I just dealt with it best I could.
Fast forward to about 10 years later, I had my first full blown panic attack while I was driving in my Uncle’s car to pick my mother up from work. I’ll never forget that awful dreadful day. Out of nowhere, I just felt like nothing was real. My heart starting beating rapidly, then the profuse sweating, I thought I was on an entire different planet. I quicly turned the car around and pulled over. Say about 5 minutes, after practically talking mysef into a calm state, it was over just as quickly as it came. When I turned the car back around again to pick up my mother, I didn’t even mention it to her. Not that she would have been much comfort if I had revealed anything like that to her anyhow. Let me just follow that last comment up with this: I happen to be African American; and sadly to say I’ve found an astounding lack of support when it relates to mental illness within the black community; at least from what I’ve experienced. Often times it’s viewed as a weakness, not something that can just happen to anyone, or at birth. Resources are also scarce. I do however work in the mental health field, but unfortunately I’ve always been the type to care for others, and put my own health on the back burner. I can truly say to anyone that reads this, I have just made a concious decision to change that. I’m plain sick & tired of going through life this way. Enough is enough!
Again, going back to the fact that, as I’ve stated previously, I am beyond thrilled to have stumbled upon this site. I have, at the present, found myself in a place where once again those detached feelings have re-surfaced. I mean it’s horrible this time around! Honestly, I sort of felt it coming on weeks ago; seems it would creep up on me for a day, only to wake up and I feel like a brand new person. Well needless to say it has now reared its ugly head once more. Big and bold as shit! Only this time its not going away. Even as I’m typing this, I can’t seem to determine what’s real, and what’s not. I just wanna scream out to the heavens, or at times take a knife to my skin just to see if I can feel any pain. I realize without a doubt the stress that I’ve been dealing with as of late is soley the trigger. I haven’t said a single word to my mother in over a year. I honestly have no clue if she’s living or not. That’s actually one of the obessive thoughts that I have; fearing that either she, or I, will die a tragic death. I am not married, an only child, nor do I have any children. I am truly alone battling this stinking ordeal.
I want to thank you all, especially to the bold gentleman that shared his amazing story and timeline. I have been considering starting up a blog of some sort to make people aware that this thing is serious, and of course they’re not alone. And it is my belief that psych doctors knowledge of this disorder is sometimes non-existent. I mean some years back when I had insurance and had decided to go seek help, it seemed when I would even say the word “derealization” or “depersonalization”, they would in turn give me the most clueless, baffling look. I would then have to describe to them what it actually was….sigh.
Next thing I’m going to do is look up a couple of the names that was mentioned, for instance this Linden fella, and just take it from there. I’m just extremely depressed, and lack motivation lately. I am way overweight, and almost sure that is contributing to this.
I won’t take up anymore blog space, but this has been good for me. My very first time actually writting about it on the internet. Take care brothers and sisters. If anyone wants to chat at any time, please don’t hesitate to contact me: lampkins-tara@msn.com
Gob bless
this site is very encouraging for me. i’ve been experiencing derealization for the past month and a half. i was a zombie for the first two weeks. i didn’t want to be around people, or go outside, or do anything really. my personality was pretty much gone as well.my personality is back, and i’m forcing myself to get out, but i’d like to know what it was like to feel 100%. did it happen over night? did you gradually feel more normal? were there peaks and valleys on the way back up to normality? i’ve been going out and doing things, which seems to help a bit. i’m not really scared of this anymore, but occasionally get the “is this going to last forever?” thought in my head, and it shakes me. did you ever go a day without thinking about it?
I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder/Social Anxiety (severe) and I’ve been on a million different medicines.. right now they took me off of my Anxiety medicine and now I’m just on 100mg of Zoloft.. I’m only 16 years old and I’m scared.. I have horrible horrible derealization and I have a non-exsistent short term memory.. if someone is talking to me, I space out and black out and then all of a sudden snap back into the derealization and realize that time has passed and I wasn’t consciously there. My next appointment with my Psychiatrist is tomorrow, and I’m going to tell her the derealization is only increasing. I’m scared… I’ve considered suicide many times, thinking this is only a dream and that nothing actually important will happen, maybe if I committed suicide I would wake up from this nightmare and find out I’ve just been sleeping and my whole 16 years of existence was a lie…
Of course I’m not going to kill myself.. Just hanging in there until these horrible symptoms go away..