Anxiety & Derealization Cure – My Story
After my horryfing experience with derealization and anxiety, I decided to share my story based on what I have learned as a sufferer. I will share my experience in great detail and provide the solutions that made me one hundred percent well again. This journal contains only my own opinions on the subject. I would also like to say that if you are suffering from derealization and anxiety, I feel for you, one thousand percent. I really do hope that I can improve your condition by sharing my story.
What is derealization?
The answer to this question is indeed a short one. It’s a dissociative symptom. Derealization is inherent to anxiety. You can not experience the symptoms of derealization if you do not suffer from some kind of anxiety disorder. Don’t treat derealization as a separate disorder, treat it as a symptom that originates from your underlying anxiety. This may seem stupid to some, but I treated my condition as an anxiety disorder, and every symptom disappeared over a time span of 4 months. This also applies to depersonalization, even though I did not suffer very strongly from that particular symptom. You do not necessarily have to feel anxious to experience the symptoms of derealization. Anxiety may lay dormant in the background, but the fear of derealization itself will bring the anxiety to life, causing more derealization. It becomes a vicious cycle.
Even if you don’t feel any particular anxiety at the moment, the DP/DR may still be present because of two factors:
- DP/DR needs time to “clear up”. It doesn’t disappear momentarely with the anxiety.
- You may feel relatively calm, but not calm enough to letting go of DP/DR.
Derealization causes:
In my case, the condition was triggered by several factors:
1. Stress
2. Trauma
3. Anxiety
4. Depression
I firmly believe that these are the key ingredients that causes dissociative symptoms. There are also rare cases of chronic symptoms of disassociation caused by epilepsy, migraine and mild head injury.
Symptoms of derealization and anxiety
The myriad of symptoms that comes from derealization and anxiety disorder are extremely subjective. Therefore, I will only list the symptoms I experienced.
- Pressure in forehead and nose bridge
This symptom was very irritating and anxiety provoking. Sometimes it felt like my forehead was going to burst open. It did not hurt like a headache does, but provided a persistent pressure sensation inside my forehead.
- Feelings of unreality
This is the “trademark” symptom of derealization and it was the symptom I feared the most. Sometimes it would feel like I was walking around in a dream. It hit me very hard when I was outside.
- Impaired memory
This symptom made me question my own sanity. My short term memory was non-existent and it made me very worried.
- Fear of madness
When I was at my worst, I seriously considered applying myself to a mental institution. It felt like madness, and I struggled to not show it externally.
- Insomnia
This was the first symptom I got, and it persisted for a great length of time.
- Dry eyes
A common symptom of anxiety, solved with eye drops.
- Anorexia
Because all that was on my mind was “What the hell is happening to me?”, I did not feel hungry or tired. I lost 13 lbs in my first 3 weeks.
- Panic attacks
The bad boy of anxiety. Fortunately I got hit by panic attacks very rarely. But I would very often be on the edge of one.
- Visual disturbances
Shadows and objects in my peripheral vision would move, and I developed floaters in my right eye.
- Hypochondria
In the early stages of my condition I was a raging hypochondriac, which does not fit my personality at all. I visited my GP 6 times during my first month. I really don’t wanna know how many times I visited Dr.Google. My self diagnosis would range from brain damage, Parkinson disease to psychosis.
- Strange dreams
This still gives me chills. The dreams I would have felt more real than when I was awake, and they were extremely bizarre and grotesque. I believe this was a side effect from the antidepressant I was on.
- Rapid/heavy heartbeat
This symptom appeared after about two months, and did not accompany a panic attack. The rapid heartbeat would occur at random and would last from 20 minutes to several hours. I measured it to be 140 beats per minute on some occasions.
You can read more about the symptoms here
My journey
First, I would like to tell you a little about myself. I am a young man in the beginning of my twenties. As long as I can remember I have suffered from mild social anxiety, but I take that as a part of my personality. I live in a small, quiet town in Sweden, where I used to work as a telemarketer. During the month before my condition bursted into flames, I started suffering from mild anxiety. My job performance was bad, I was heavily into drugs and depression was setting in.
June 2009
I lost my job, which really did not seem to affect me. I had more than enough money to live a while without any income. I had recently dabbled with psychedelic drugs, and was pretty high-strung after one particular drug experience. This is when I started to feel a bit uncomfortable, but nothing too worrying.
The journey truly began in the mid of June, on a Friday night, I experienced a huge panic attack while I was amongst my friends. I got extremely agitated but remained calm externally. I had experienced this kind of panic before so I just rode with it. The panic attack subsided and I went to bed. Two days later I struggled falling asleep. I was suddenly suffering from insomnia for the first time in my life, and it made me panic yet again. I felt very “out of it” and decided to sleep at home with my parents. I was awake for 30 hours. I finally fell asleep, but I woke up 3 hours later feeling exhausted and anxious at the same time. It was truly horrible, and this is when the unreal feeling started setting in. I would sit in a chair and stare into the wall all day. I could not eat, I could not watch television, I basically could not do anything else than worry about what was happening to me.
This is when I started consulting Dr.Google (for some odd reason, that was the only thing that made me concentrate). So, I plotted my symptoms in the search engine and came to the conclusion that I somehow had managed to damage my brain because of my recent drug abuse. That thought made me even worse, but I could not stop self diagnosing my self. The following week I hardly slept at all, but I visited my local GP and told him what was happening to me. He said I was suffering from anxiety. Somehow I did not believe him at all! “This was not anxiety, I have experienced anxiety before, and this is something else”, I thought. My GP gave me a prescription for Paxil, an anti-depressant and some sleeping medication. I still felt out of it, and all the symptoms I listed above started appearing one by one. After two weeks I finally started getting some sleep (4-5 hours per night) with the aid of the sleeping medication. In my second week, I also started realizing that this was going to get worse before it got better. I would still sit and self diagnose 90 percent of the day.
July 2009
Things started looking more grim. I really thought that this was going to be permanent, and I felt like I was in hell. The Paxil made me even worse, the side effects were unbearable. When I tried to stop taking Paxil I went into withdrawal symptoms which also was unbearable. I felt trapped, and wanted a way out. I got my mom to buy some fish oil and vitamins. I started taking them and over the course of a few weeks I didn’t really notice anything different.
I got in touch with an acupuncturist and I began taking a session there each week. I still remember sitting there in the lobby feeling so dreamy and that my mind could snap at any moment. It wasn’t until the end of July I started noticing improvement and hit my turning point. Especially after an acupuncture session i would feel like myself for a short time, and that really got my hopes up. I started diverting my mind by playing computer games which also helped tremendously. Occupying your mind is crucial if you want to see improvement. Basically, things went uphill from then. I also started taking magnesium pills and it really made me feel better. I was nowhere near normality, but this was a start. I also started accepting the fact that I was suffering from anxiety and anxiety alone. By the end of July I actually went on a four day family trip, even though I still felt dreamy and rather disorientated.
August 2009
This is when I managed to quit the sleeping pills and the antidepressant. The antidepressant was hard to quit, but I managed it. I suffered one and a half week of withdrawal symptoms. I would still divert my mind doing things on my computer, and I believe I suffered one panic attack in the start of August, but I kept my hopes up. The unreal feeling would go away as long as I kept my mind occupied. I also started with a supplement that i felt helped me tremendously called L-Theanine. I felt more and more sane for each day that was passing from now on.
September 2009
Now I started doing regular stuff again, like driving a car, visiting friends etc. I would feel strange and unreal on rare occasions as opposed to feeling normal on rare occasions. I still went to the acupuncturist and I enjoyed every session there. It is now November 2009 and I’m no longer suffering from any of the symptoms I mentioned above. There is a saying that that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I totally agree with that.
Things that didn’t help me
Dr.Google and health forums
Antidepressants
Ruminating around your condition
Drugs
Waiting passively for the condition to end
Things that helped me
Diverting your mind (very, very important)
Realization of your condition (anxiety and nothing else)
Acupuncture
Doing things you did before you got “ill”
Eating healthy
Sleeping medication (the first two weeks)
Charles Linden (check out my review)
Time
There is hope!
I’m living proof that anxiety and all of the symptoms that come with that package are 100% curable without the need of doctors, psychologists or prescribed medication.
Good luck, and take care.
P.S. If you would like to share your story, please register and do so at our newly created forum
Hi there. I think I am suffering from derealisation. It all started 4 years ago when I was supposed to go travelling to see my boyfriend at the time found out he cheated was unemployed for 2 months and got panic attacks and major depression. Had to go back to my parents. From then things never really change though I think I got better for a while. I have strange feelings and thoughts colours and object seem bizarre I don’t know what to do next am I suffering from derealisation?? Please please help if anyone can understand or advise me what to do I don’t know if I can carry on anymore…..
Hello, first of all I would like to say that this is a great article. It brings me immense hope to know that you got through this scary condition by yourself. Thank you for sharing your story and congratulations on winning the battle.
Now, on to my story…I could not tell you when I first started having derealization and depersonalization issues, but I don’t think I have had them for too long. I am a 17 year old female. I am a vegetarian, I do not and have not messed with drugs, I have very rarely drank, I do not take medication, I had a happy childhood, I am of a healthy weight and height, I am a virgin, and I do well in school. Lately, my dissociative symptoms have really begun to worry me. I look in the mirror, and I cannot tell what it is that I see. When I speak, I don’t know where the voice is coming from. My thoughts are very detached, and I rarely feel real. I feel as though I am a thoughtless being simply watching this life go by like a film. I don’t feel as though I have control of my actions, and I don’t even know where what I’m typing right now is coming from or why I’m doing this. I absolutely hate it. I have only had one real panic attack, and that was probably 3 years ago. It is hard to see myself having an anxiety disorder, but as they say, these symptoms cannot exist without it. I can’t even form thoughts. I know that I’m thinking, but it’s like it isn’t me that’s thinking; I’m just seeing the outcome. I have never really gotten nervous or anxious, but I have noticed lately that I can’t sit still. In class I have to be constantly moving my legs or else it literally hurts.
I have tried some of the things that you suggest, and nothing has helped yet. I just hope something does soon. I would give a lot to just feel real again.
This blog was really helpful to me, although I have some symptoms I didn’t see mentioned. Just to give some background: I’m a 62 year old female with a history of rather extreme sexual and physical abuse as a child, starting when I was two. I repressed the memories until I was 49, at which time I nearly fell apart. I’ve been slowly getting better since then. I’ve had some of the symptoms mentioned in the different entries, like depression, anxiety, detachment, memory loss. But one that’s pretty disturbing and I didn’t see mentioned is that I’ll look at something and look away, and I already can’t remember what I saw. It’s most disconcerting when I drive, b/c I’ll want to turn into traffic, and look right and left and back to right and back to left b/c I can’t remember if it’s clear to go. I feel like i could just as easily pull out in front of an oncoming car as not. The other incident when it’s a nuisance is when I’m knitting off of written instructions. I read the instructions then look at my knitting, then have to look back at the instructions, maybe even more than once, before I can remember the stitch sequence. Sometimes I could swear on a bible that I did something right, and I find out I did it wrong. That’s because I can’t hold onto a thought long enough for it to seem real. I’ve lost four jobs in the past 17 years, all of which can be blamed on derealization. I give the appearance of not taking things seriously and not caring. But actually I can’t make things real enough in my mind to take them seriously. I will continue to follow this blog to see if anyone identifies with anything I’ve said or has a comment on it. Thanks for listening.
There is one simply way to get through this. It’s not a systematic list that after completed will make you feel completely cured. I dealt with this for about a year after waking up one day after smoking weed and I just thought to myself, “This is not what my room looked like yesterday.” I felt as if I was still dreaming somehow, but it was extremely realistic. As soon as that shooting feeling of being scared, I also consulted Google to find a cure for this. It just so happens that the internet is the worse place to look when your trying to find a cure for this. It is a bit ironic, considering your online looking for something to make you feel better, but really all the thoughts of these systems and how you are experiencing them makes the matter all the much worse. Trust me everyone who reads this, there is one strategy for defeating this and it lies within yourself. You must realize that this will pass and for those who have had it for 5+ years are the ones who have not. You must find something as a partial cure. Something that makes you completely forget about. The moment that you forget all about it is when you are cured, but the moment that you acknowledge it again is when you let derealization take over your life once more. The best advice I can give you all, is do what makes you the most happy or in other words, what you know used to make you happy, and completely focus on that, not the dreadful feelings that in essence emphasize your condition.
Everybody has the ability to cure it. I have anxiety on a day to day basis, but I have learned how to control it i.e. breathing. Such mechanisms are the key to keeping this awful condition contained.
Among all, one of the funniest of these mechanism was considering derealization as a fucker that I could beat out of my life because, I am much stronger than it. We all are.
In conclusion, I think it’s safe to say that if we all band together and know that there are people like us everywhere, then it’s possible to kick this irritating fucker out of our lives once and for all.
Thank you for this website. I feel like I am not alone now with this awful derealization. I have had this on and off for more than one year now. This started after a period of stress and anxiety after my sister’s death. I suffered with extreme panic attacks that kept me almost home bound for months. I was not completely home bound since at times, I had no choice but to get out of the house for my daughter. People around me knew I had changed since my sister’s death but I told everyone this was due to my stomach ache (which I had for real because of all the sorrow and the stress). Nobody knew how I felt since I kept a brave face all the time. I did go for counseling which helped a lot. I know that derealization is a symptom of anxiety and even if I know I have anxiety, I find it very hard to accept this. I have less and less panic attacks but the derealization is still present. I feel like I live in a dream. I feel like I will wake up any time now and say ‘oh, its good to wake up now’. It is weird to have this now, as my life life is just as I want it to be. I have love, health, a great family, a great job. Things have gone back to normal since my sister’s death, however my brain is still playing tricks on me. People around me had no clue I was feeling like this until this morning. I discussed this with my husband, my best friend and my nephew. I explained how I felt; the dreamlike sensation, the feeling of living every second very intensely. The sensation of being hyper-aware of my surroundings. My husband could not relate, even if he tried but he compared this sensation to the effects of certain drugs. I have never taken any drugs so I have no clue ! My best friend explained that she sometimes feels like this when driving her car and listening to some music that reminded her of a sibling who passed away. She described the same sensations as I did. However, for her, the derealization does not last as long. At the end of the conversation, my nephew said he wished he felt like me so he could experience life with this different angle…a real teenager !!! Anyhow, derealization sometimes makes me panic, as I feel so out of place, so weird and totally detached from my surroundings. But at the same time, feeling so detached often makes me feel totally embedded in my life, up to a cosmic level. When you are hyper-aware like this, you almost feel like you are in another dimension. On the outside, nothing shows. I went shopping today with my friend, took good care of my daughter and tomorrow I will go to work like nothing is going on. My mind is still extremely alert and in the past month, I have taken a new job and learned tons of new things in the training. My mind is sharp and I am still the same person as before. But on the inside, I feel very different from the rest of the crowd ! I like the idea of exercising and I will start running again. I think this can help a lot. Vitamins and a good diet are also paramount. It is great to read these posts tonight. I do not feel as alone as I did before. If I can give one bit of advice, it would be to accept derealization, just like we need to accept that we are anxious people. This is the first step. If we fight it, it will come back to bite us in the butt. Also, I find that laughing and having fun really helps. Sometimes, if I can keep my mind busy for long periods, I will realize that I have not had the derealization feeling for a few minutes or hours. Good luck to everyone. Remember that even if it sometimes feel like it, we are not crazy. We simply see and feel things differently. And we will NOT go crazy.
I experienced every one of those except the bad dreams. The weight loss was especially bad for me because on top of depression and anxiety I had slight paranoia, could not eat anything I didn’t watch, was very scared of being poisoned by my coworkers, my roomates. I made other people eat what I was eating too. I couldn’t eat some things if I thought they were contaminated. I was very paranoid of undercooked food. I lost almost 30 lbs in four months. (I was 73 lbs when I went to the doctor.) Thats when I realised how unhealthy this was. I was so delusional about myself I hadn’t even realised how my fear of bad health was affecting my actual health.
I went to the hospital during a panic attack at the beginning of when my anxiety started for real. I thought I was having a heart attack. I was scared I was dieing, or gonna pass out, almost all the time.
ANd all my Doc’s did was push drugs on me. I never took a single one and today, almost a year to the day of my first hospitalisation (Nov. 15) I am 100% cured. It took some soul-searching, but I know now my past caused me to be controlling, and my loss of control from several events that happened at that time in my life sent me into a downward spiral of anxiety.
It is all in your head. The important thing is to never doubt your own strength.
I have to say i feel much much better after reading these posts. i am a young man on his early 20s who is currently going through this anxiety problem. it started when i smoked a certain herb. after i came down from a high nothing felt normal as if i had a sensation of unease and uncertainty, as if i would never feel normal again. i didnt feel hungry, i dont feel like doing anything and cant find comfort in anything that i do or want to do. i space out and think uncontrollably at times and it scares me which then triggers the emotion and feeling of anxiety and derealization. as i said i am currently going through this. the thing is that IVE GONE THROUGH THIS BEFORE AND IVE DEFEATED IT, ITS NOT BRAIN DAMAGE ITS NOT SCHIZOPHRENIA WE ARE NOT CRAZY, BELIEVE IT WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND MIND AND STRENGTH!!!!!! its only permanent if you stop thinking possitive, stop distracting your mind and if you settle to living that way. READ THIS AND BELIEVE IT. YOU ARE MUCH STRONGER THAN THAT WHICH TROUBLES YOU, YOU TRULY ARE. i unfortunately made the same mistake twice and am feeling these symptoms again -_-. friends, you will be ok. you WILL! be in total 100% mental health again. distract your mind as soon as you wake up, eat atleast just a bit even if you dont feel hungry but try your best to eat healthy,AND TRUST IN GOD, he was real before you felt like this and he doesnt stop being real because of what we experience.
1 PETER 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
my email is someoneatemycuki@live.com if you need someone to talk to
. God Bless.
i have been feeling alot of the symptoms ! my story : About 1 year ago i started smoking weed and one day i was done smoking and i was walking home and i blacked out and after that the next day i started feeling like everything was fake and it lasted for a couple weeks, and then suddenly it dissapeared it went away. well then about another year passed and i was already done with the weed i stopped smoking and it suddenly came back , i was so scared i felt really bad i went to the emergency room and they said everything was fine!! so i go home and i still feel like that and days pass and still feel like that and i kept going back to the hospital, i told doctors and they said it was fine but i know its not ! i never felt this , it was really hard even saying it because people think your crazy or something! no one understands what your going through unless they go through it! well i was like that for about 3 months until finally i went to tj they did a mri and they found a cyst in my head.this was ALL NEW to me, i was scared but i knew god will never give you anything you cant handle. time passed by & i kept going back to the doctor they did more mris here in the us. this affects me in many ways in school mostly and i was really scared to go out because this is a horrible feeling i would never wish for anyone to feel this way!! so after a while i start feeling like im not me like i dont know my self and this is wen the “feeling like everything is fake is kind of fading away and its been like 3 months after the first mri and i was feeling like that,, so now this day i just got my last mri result and they said my cyst wasnt there it was blood vessels and alot of the other symptoms i was getting was from the cyst too , so imagine feeling like everything is fake, feeling like your not yourself , feeling stressed out , having trouble sleeping , feeling dizzy , having the light bother you , having really bad headaches, having trouble breathing , having trouble concentrating , all that is really horrible and sometimes i would feel normal but the unreal feeling would come back again and believe it or not ever since i went to church and they prayed for me i started feeling better ,, i gotta say god is great he is always there for me and everyone else i thank god for being alive today and being able to share my story and even though sometimes i still have that unreal feeling and trouble sleeping and all that i know i will get through this im so thankful for being alive , and i wont let this beat me i will beat this ” disease ” i am a strong girl and i know all you are strong too ! believe in god he will cure you! in god we trust <3
Hey my name is brandon i suffer from derealization i am 18 years old it started the day after a huge rock concert i woke up in the morning and felt ok then i looked at my hands for a reason i can not remember and everything felt odd.. like i was dreaming and couldnt wake up iv experienced this feeling before but it subsided the day after.. this has been constant for me for ” 1 week and ahalf” i took a week off school then i went back and it felt like a huge migrain.. i couldnt consintrate on anything expecially around alot of people makes it worse.. and brighter lighting , can somebody please tell me they’ve experienced this ? ? ? and when people move theyre arms and body i have ” flashbacks” like a shadow of them moving again … is that what you ment ? thanks, brandon
Hi there, it really helps when you read other peoples experiences, because at first i had no idea what was going on, i thought i was going mad, i thought i was ill, i even believed that life wasn’t real and that everything was just there and had no purpose. It all started in march 2011 when i was playing football at college, i clashed my head very hard with somebody else, ignored the feeling for a day or two, i then realised i didn’t feel right, i went to the doctors and he diagnosed me wih concussion, so i carried on as normal, smoking weed everyday living an unhealthy lifestyle until the feeling of derealization and depersonilzation strarted to become more noticeable. I started having panic attacks, and started worrying about everything, i had NO idea what was happening to me. I started councelling back in september and i am still carrying this out now, however i still feel anxious, fake, daydreamy, worried.. I now understand what is happening, i no longer smoke cannabis, which was a heavy habit for many years, that is a bonus that has come out of feling like this. Reading about other people and realising your NOT the only one is helpful, because at first i thought it was just me!! It’s not. I also found reading Charles Lindens website heplful, watching his videos and reading the testimonials.. I have felt like this since march now and the feelings are ongoing, however it is time for me and everyone else to work on it, start living more positively, better diet, and to start some form of fitness!! It is anxiety and it will dissapear, it’ just time to believe.. People i have felt horrendous feeling this last year, it feels like there’s something missing in my head, like your walking a dream, you may speak to someone and then go ‘did that just happen’, it did it’s just you.. Many other symptoms have occured, however i am determined to get better and start enjoying my life fully again
People it’s just anxiety!!
Well, I’m going through a strange phase of my life.
I’ve always been a calm person and easy-going person. Always enjoyed going out with friends late at night, doing sports like hiking and so on…
This year I had to take some medications for gastrits, and I’m pretty sure it trigged my anxiety. I don’t know how the medication messed with my CNS, but I’ve being highly anxious lately with symptoms of panic from time to time.
Right now I don’t have derealization nor depersonalization. But some times I have it, like brain fog.
I’d like to know if anyone have experienced these symptoms which are not constant. I’m going through treatment to see if it subsides completly.
PS: I’m 26 yrs
Cheers,
Mauricio
I’m a 15 year old girl who started smoking weed last summer of 2011. I have had symtoms like not feeling like I, or anything around me is real and wierd dreams. I noticed not feeling real a day after i smoked one time. It has been about a month (felt like a lifetime) that I have had these symptoms. I did not know hell until this last month. But I’m going to stay positive and know I can beat this. It does not help that my parents have no idea though, the only person I have told is my best friend. Keeping yourself busy really helps
Hey, I’m so relieved to hear people say that it all started after smoking because I thought that I was alone. I didn’t smoke a lot of weed at all, just two hits, then just like that life suddenly felt surreal in a heartbeat. I began to hallucinate and I knew I was going to be like this for a while because I felt like this before but now its been three months and these thoughts won’t go away. I’ve practically lost my memory so nothing feels real. I know that I need to keep my mind busy and not get used to feeling like this because it has helped. But if I stop, I’m sure that feeling is just going to come back. I’m 14 but we all know what each other is going through and boy does it suck. All I can do for now is beg God for help.
Does anyone else feel tingly? I’ve had this before and it came back..I’ve had anxiety and panic attacks for about 5 or 6 years now. They will go away and come back..on and off on and off. Last year it was really bad i felt tingly all over and i couldnt sleep felt like i just thought the whole night then i wake up feeling like i was dreaming. It was scary. I had bad Hypochondria i thought i was dying. They put me on paxel and that made it 10 times worse..I quit taking it and one day it just went away..Now like a week ago my anxiety came back with derealization i dont want to eat my hands and feet feel all weird my vision is weird and blurry i have really vivid bad dreams i cant focus on anything i dont know what to do sometimes its unbearable and i start freaking out…noone understands me it is nice to know that your not alone. I just wish this would go away…